Friday, May 29, 2009

London travels...

So I was in London tonight. I had a great time, listening to good music and seeing old friends.

There are just some people who I LOVE seeing. I love being with them, being inspired because of them, feeling like I have something to offer them, being reminded of why we love Jesus. My friend's mum is Ethiopian and she is amazing. Seriously. She just sits me down and listens to me rant. And she faithfully prays for me too. I love that. I love that her presence calms me. I really hope I get to see her family again soon.

I enjoy just sitting in the car with good friends and listening to good music. I love talking and learning together. I love laughing and the banter that goes on. I love road kill and getting lost on country roads and watching the sunset as we drive home together.

I had big conversations today about important topics; accountability, integrity, judging others, compassion, motives, leadership, honesty, addiction...haha. So much. I realised I get excited about that kinda stuff (not really the last one though - addiction...hmmm), they are definitely stuff on my heart right now. Things I am trying to learn about. Things that I feel passionate about. These things are stuff that bubble out into my conversations with people.

I guess that's what passion does. It bursts out into everything we do.
So what is bursting out into your life today?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Faith

Is faith ridiculous?

Does it take huge risks? Does it take stupid risks?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I have a confession...

...I am a DISTRACTION!!

Today, during revision sessions that we are running with our young people, I ate a doughnut and got tres hyper. While the young people were revising, I went into the toilet and blew HUGE raspberries and waited to hear what they'd do.

There was silence and then laughter erupted. I so badly wanted to walk out of the toilet, trying to look sheepish. But it didn't work. I stumbled out holding my belly as it ached with laughter!

So much for being a responsible youth worker :-)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Spiritual Experience?

I just had a spiritual experience whilst sat on the toilet.

You know those times when you just feel like you had a revelation? Something dawns on you? The lightbulb switches on?

I was reading (totally my favourite pastime right now - reading on the loo) and learning about community and three things that can make it Christ-centred (based on the verse that says, "Where two or more are gathered in My name, there I shall be."):

1. Intentional - a purposeful thing, in 'His name', otherwise we become just another gathering.
2. Spiritual - the presence of God is central to what goes on.
3. A safe place - welcoming, inclusive, a place of belonging.

It wasn't even church that I was thinking of. But just hanging out with other Christians. Do I display those qualities? Do I WANT to display those qualities??!

I used to not enjoy spending time with certain people. To the point where I'd walk away at the end and feel like crap. And I just though, "This isn't how it should be! I should be encouraged when I spend time with these people." A friend once told me that a certain group of his mates often banter, but sometimes too much. They go too far. They are Christians but they don't really talk about God a lot. He said that he feels deflated sometimes after spending time with them.

I don't like that. I want to spend time with my friends, have a laugh, but leave being thankful for seeing them. Not frustrated because they've made me feel like poo.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Freedom is possible.

Freedom IS possible.

I watched a film called 'Catch a Fire' yesterday - about the apartheid in South Africa.
Made me think very practically about those who literally have no freedom.

And yet Jesus came to set people free.

I believe that this is a very real freedom of which Jesus talks. Not just from fears and emotions...but literal freedom.

Speech for those who are quietened.
Food for those who are starved.
Education for those who are unschooled.
Hope for those who are broken.

"You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."

This is not just a figurative freedom, of us entering the Kingdom of Heaven. The 'truth' we share with those around us MUST mean that their needs are cared for, their dreams are flourished, their lives are improved. It MUST be practical.

Mustn't it?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Britney

Today I was thinking about someone, this song came into my head.
Old school pop.
Enjoy.

Listening.

Thank you to Jenny Baker:


I am listening to you, honestly.
But I'm also thinking about what I'm going to say next.
I hate embarrassed gaps in conversation when no one knows what to say.
I want you to think that I'm interesting, funny, witty.
So I'm lining up my response, getting it ready.
I am listening to you, honestly.
But I hope you don't go on too long.
I want to catch the final scores, to find out how my team has done.
And I need to ring my friend before he goes out for the evening.
Then Desperate Housewives is on TV, and I don't want to miss that.
So make it quick, and you don't need to repeat yourself.
I am listening to you, honestly.
But I'm also thinking about what happened at work this week -
And what I've got to do next week -
I'm going to be in trouble if I don't get that report written,
And I need to work out why my colleague isn't talking to me.
So it's quite hard to hear what you're saying
Over all this internal noise.
I am listening to you, honestly.
But that group over there looks like they're having a much better conversation;
They're laughing and joking.
I'd really like to get to know some of them -
Not that you're not important - of course you are;
I just wish I had the chance to speak to them, too.
I am listening to you, honestly.
But to be honest, I really wish you'd listen to me -
Just for once - to pay attention to what I have to say,
Without jumping in with your experience and your solutions.
I don't want you to solve my problems;
I just want you to hear me:
To hear the 'me' behind the words;
To really listen.

Friends

I love that when I say I feel sad, she will pick up the phone and ring me.

I love that she knows me so well. She isn't afraid to ask those horrible questions.

I love sitting on the couch, drinking red wine and laughing with this boy.

I love how wise she is. And she doesn't even know it.

I love that this person always encourages me. She is so kind with her words.

I love hearing him drum.

I love this girl praying for me. She hears God clearly.

I love that we have travelled together.

I love that I can talk to this guy as if we only saw each other yesterday.

I love that he inspires me to be a better person.

I love her humility, it is refreshing.

I love that it makes me smile singing with this girl :-)

I love that getting texts from this person makes me so happy.

I love them for letting me live in their home.

I love that he is a rude boy at heart.

I love that he is my favourite brother. haha. joke. I love that he is my brother.

I love that we made the perfect pool team. Beating everyone else.

I love that I can walk into her house, and feel at home.

Monday, May 18, 2009

What will I be remembered for?

Not particularly that I want people to look back on my life, crying and saying, "Oh GOSHHHH...Clare was so amazing!" Haha. (that actually makes me laugh out loud as I'm reading that back to myself...) But I have a responsibility to think about the things that I will be remembered for. Because I can shape them however I like.

Two months before he was assassinated, Martin Luther King talked about what he would like someone to say at his funeral. He didn't want to mention the Nobel Peace prize, or any other of those big achievements:

"Id like somebody to say that Martin Luther King tried to give his life serving others... I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity. Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major, say I was a drum major for justice. Say that I was a drum major for peace, I was a drum major for righteousness. And all the other shallow things will not matter. I wont have any money to leave behind. I wont have the fine and luxurious things of life to leave behind. I just want to leave a committed life behind. And thats all I want to say...
If I can help somebody as I pass along, if I can cheer somebody with a word or song, if I can show somebody hes travelling wrong, then my living will not be in vain. If I can do my duty as a Christian ought, if I can bring salvation to a world over wrought, if I can spread the message as teh Master taught, then my living will not be in vain."

What do I want to be known for?

My great taste in music? My awesome sense of humour and wisdom? Haha. Do I want to be known as a people lover? Do I want to be known for my actions. Do people see my as a person of integrity. Will people mock my life or be pointed towards something far greater than myself?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Rescue

I love the organisation 'To Write Love On Her Arms' - if you don't know who they are, check here.

They are beautiful. They bring hope and help to those suffering from depression and the effects of. They have seen broken people, and are in the business of mending.

"You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible, that God is still in the business of redemption. We're seeing it happen. We're seeing lives change as people get the help they need. People sitting across from a counselor for the first time. People stepping into treatment. In desperate moments, people calling a suicide hotline. We know that the first step to recovery is the hardest to take. We want to say here that it's worth it, that your life is worth fighting for, that it's possible to change."
In Church tonight, we talked about God's rescue plan for mankind. Like a mission. It made me think of God as a secret agent - working behind the scenes, never tiring because He wants us to be 'safe'.
Do we know that rescue is possible? That the things which hold us down and keep us back, don't have to stay there? Our chains can be removed? We can be free?
I love TWLOHA's visions, they sum up what Jesus people should be about. Sorry, what Jesus people NEED to be about:
"The vision is that community and hope and help would replace secrets and silence.
The vision is people putting down guns and blades and bottles.
The vision is that we can reduce the suicide rate in America and around the world.
The vision is that we would learn what it means to love our friends, and that we would love ourselves enough to get the help we need.
The vision is better endings. The vision is the restoration of broken families and broken relationships. The vision is people finding life, finding freedom, finding love. The vision is graduation, a Super Bowl, a wedding, a child, a sunrise. The vision is people becoming incredible parents, people breaking cycles, making change.
The vision is the possibility that your best days are ahead.
The vision is the possibility that we're more loved than we'll ever know.
The vision is hope, and hope is real.
You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story."

Slater...not Kat Slater...haha

I have been thinking about these 'blogs' and facebook 'notes' I have been posting recently. Although they are thought provoking and midly entertaining at times, I realise that they are often of a negative nature (do you think?)...I point out bad characteristics or things I want to change. Maybe I need to write one of pure encouragement?!

I LOVE JESUS. Haha.
And I love that He gets me, especially when no one else does.
He understands my weird little habits and annoying flaws, and still doesn't think any less of me.

How great is that?!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Daddy Dear

For some reason, today I have mostly been thinking about my dad.
You may not know him, but he is a wonderful, amazing man.

I don't say this enough to him, but I am extremely proud to be his daughter. He is wise, and very intelligent...an amazing people person (he is vicar, and knows EVERYONE in the villages). He loves travelling and is fluent in 3 languages. He is brave and honourable, and brought up us 6 kids all by himself (for a while) after my mum died.

Those who talk with me often, will hear me speak very highly of my dad. I am sooo thankful for the way I have been brought up. My dad and step mum have challenged us, but allowed us independence and the opportunity to learn from our mistakes.

However, I know that not everyone has had the same experience with their Fathers. And for that I am sorry. I am sorry that the image of a Dad might conjure up pain and brokeness for you. I hope you know that there is a Father who is so much better than that. A Father who desires only good things for you; hope and joy, wholeness and healing.

I've begun to wonder today...do I rave and 'boast' as much about my Heavenly Father as I do about my real Daddy? Am I eager to tell others about His goodness and how proud I am to be His child?

Children's Home

I really want to open a Children's Home.

When I was younger I used to have a regular dream of somewhere like this and it was filled with children. I used to think this was because I wanted a big family. Now it might mean something else.

I LOVE kids. I love families. I cannot wait (Jesus willing) to get married and have a family. And I hope that I will end up fostering and adopting.

I was watching a programme on 4od tonight - 'Find me a Family'. Wow, what a need for people willing to adopt siblings, children of ethnic minorities and those with physical difficulties. I hope that people watched it and were stirred to do something.

I hope my dream comes true.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Saturday

I got up this morning and walked into town.

At Church, they're having this big sale thing - another fundraiser for the building project. And I walked straight towards the book stall. There, on the table, was a small box of cds. I trawled through it and found some gems - I cannot believe I just bought TWO Massive Attack albums and a jazz/hiphop experimental cd for £2!! Bargainus Maximus, I think so!

Then a couple of the yp came over to my house. I made banana bread, fruit salad and pancakes (the best ones - american style, also called 'drop scones'?)...it was a birthday. We sat and ate, laughed, played music. I love times like that.

Now I'm wondering what to do. I am torn. Half of me wants to do nothing (which is actually really nice on a day off)...part of me wants to finish songs and write more...and part of me wants to take my ipod and go for a long walk. Maybe walk down to the Island and see how far I can get before I am tired. Hmmm...

Friday, May 08, 2009

Jesus' love language

My love language (I think) is time spent or acts of service.

One of the interesting things about where I live was finding out that freaking EVERYONE loves hugging and kissing and telling each other they love them. And I found that hard.

Its not that I don't love those things, I have totally grown to love them. I just don't connect with them. For someone to tell me, "I love you" - I need them to show it. I have had enough experiences of people goofing off and saying bad things to me, afterwards saying, "I love you." And I'm like, "NOOOOOO YOU DON'T!" How can you say that when you're actions aren't backing it up.

I feel like that with Jesus. How can we say we love Him when our actions don't back it up?

I kinda think that Jesus likes ALL the love languages. He definitely likes acts of service (!) ... He likes words of affirmation (just think about the songs we sing in church) ... physical touch (c'mon Holy Spirit) ... material gifts (tithing haha) ... time spent (this is a big one).

Feel free to challenge me. Tell me you love me. Tell me you like something about me. I'll find it hard to hear but its good for me. If you want to show me you love me, just spend some time with me or do something for me.

You'll know I love you cos I'll want to spend time with you.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Podcasts - Mars Hill

Trinity: God is
Revelation: God speaks
Creation: God makes
Image: God loves
Fall: God judges
Covenant: God pursues
Incarnation: God comes
Cross: God dies
Resurrection: God saves
Church: God sends
Worship: God transforms
Stewardship: God gives
Kingdom: God reigns

Thank you Helen!

I thought I would dedicate one whole blog to Helen!
(You know who you are...)

Your generosity inspires me. Even in the smallest of things, you are willing to give. Give time, give gifts (like sweet cookies (!)), give of yourself. And I know that many lives are being changed because of your generosity. Thanks for sharing it with me.

Woman, I hope that one day I am as giving as you are!

Friday, May 01, 2009

Jealous Girl

I had a dream last night, it was very vivid. I remember feeling extraordinarily jealous of two friends. I wasn't even aware I was dreaming. I just had this overwhelming feeling of being gutted, of wanting to it to be ME not THEM. I was literally seething with jealousy.

Now, I am not really a jealous person but when I am it seems to be over trivial things. And it is often to do with people. A friend of mine once said that she struggles with jealousy when she sees girls who she feels has it 'sorted' and she wants to be like them. I wonder if jealousy stems from our own insecurities? Whether that is low self worth, or lack of confidence...we see things in other people that we want for ourselves. I know someone else who would express her longing to be in the place of another.

And I met with four girls this morning, asking them if they think its possible to stop being jealous. They said things like:
"Tell the person, the one who is involved in why you feel jealous..."
"Do practical things, like not putting yourself in a situation that would encourage jealousy..."
"Isn't jealousy the same as envy?"

In Romans 12, it says: "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. HONOUR ONE ANOTHER ABOVE YOURSELVES."


How can we honour others above ourselves today?
Will we choose to rejoice in another's happiness?
Or put someone else's needs above our own?