Being drenched.

"The Word we study has to be the Word we pray.....We must never allow the authority of books, institutions, or leaders to replace the authority of knowing Jesus Christ personally and directly."

I love reading. I totally get absorbed into books and get caught up in them. And often forget to just spend time with God. It is so easy (and I can't believe how much) to read other books, rather than the Bible; to speak to other people, rather than God. Gosh.

I need to get my head round this. And I always put it off. I'm like, "I'll get it sorted this weekend." but then never do. Maybe I should just sort it out tonight. Go and do some deep breathing again down by the sea. Try and remember what God's voice sounds like...

"In essence, there is only one thing God asks of us - that we be men and women of prayer, people who live close to God, people for whom God is everything and for whom God is enough."

Home time.

So, it has been yet another long time since I have written on here. I am currently residing back in North Devon, spending time with friends and family.

Time in Devon is not normally 'relaxing'. Those of you that know me, know that I get kinda stressed because I have many people to see and catch up with. I feel a lot of tension, balancing time with family and time with friends that I really need to see. I don't want to be a people pleaser. But sometimes I need to be. And then the people I love the most and want to see get hurt because they don't see me as much as they'd like to.

Sometimes, I'm a bit of a rag doll.
Pulled in every direction.

Today, I took my little brothers and sisters on the bus into Barnstaple. Finn was sad because it was originally just going to be me and him. Man, we never hang out just us two together. And he was excited. But we couldn't really stop the girls coming, and then Jacob changed his mind.

I wondered how often I do this to people - disappoint them? Not like I'm feeling sorry for myself, cos I'm not! Haha. But I wonder how much time I give to those individuals that need to spend time BY THEMSELVES? I wonder if God is like that. Just like Finn, He is super looking foward to hanging out with me but then I go and invite other people along for the ride. You know how its totally cool to hang out with God with other people. But I wonder if sometimes He is jealous for our time, and JUST US?

I am learning a lot about myself. I am learning that I am quick to commit to something or to say 'yes' and actually don't really think a lot about the consequences. I need my "yes" to be "yes" and maybe that means learning to be better at saying "no". I am so quick at wanting everyone to get involved in something or wanting everyone to see something, that the quality of the thing becomes worn. You know that phrase, "Quality not quantity" - so true. I need my life to be of quality rather than quantity.

Soul Experience

Soul Survivor tomorrow.

I am really looking forward to it. But my mind has been on other things as of late. And my head is still banging so I gave in and took painkillers.

But what will this week turn out like? I am excited for what God will do. Good things. Always.

Muse is playing loudly in the other room. We have the recordings from Gig in the Garden. Wow. They sound so good. Haha....I've just realised it isn't Muse, it is the boys version of 'Plug in Baby'!

I am really looking forward to writing more songs this week, and finishing old ones. Music moves my soul.

Life.

Hmmm. Text conversations with faraway friends.

Always needed.

BF birthday today. Literally CANNOT wait to see her next week.

I love the smell of freshly washed clothes. I love cleaning actually.

I need to eat some fruit.

Probably going to go and play some music, write something, read something, listen to someone, be creative, be free.....blah blah blah....

Dreaming of warmer climates.

CeU is freaking AMAZING. She could send me to sleep any day.

You could send me to sleep, thank you very much.

Thinking about freedom.

Maybe I'll get my tattoo when I'm back in Devon.

Do you ever get when you have so much you're thinking about but you can't really be bothered to write it all down?

Corinthians

I've been reading 1st Corinthians recently. It's good to read the Bible with friends.

I wondered why I hadn't been writing up my learnings, but here goes. These are just a few things that have stood out to me in the last few chapters...

1. "God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise...so that no one may boast before Him." (chapter 1) - we talked about this in India. The idea that God uses our weaknesses and our failings, because He is made strong. He is glorified through our weaknesses. We learn to trust Him when we recognise that we can't do it alone. Its a bit of a cliche, but it seems wherever I go that those who have less money are more likely to trust God for His provision. I forget that He provides because I know I can do it on my own.
2. "He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness..." (chapter 4) - scary eh? How would we feel if those around us saw all our deepest and darkest secrets??! I was reminded about how valuable honesty is. When we are honest with God, honest with ourselves, honest with those around us, we give Satan no room to twist and distort things. The smallest thing can become an issue when we leave it hidden and don't talk about it.
3. "For the kingdom of God is not a matter of talk but of power." (chapter 4) - I love this! Why are we insistent on talking so much about God's Kingdom rather than doing something about it? Instead of talking to people about Jesus, why aren't we allowing the power of Jesus to meet with them?
4. "Everything is permissible for me but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me but I will not be mastered by anything." (chapter 6) - I have the choice to do what I want, but not everything I choose is the best thing for me. I don't want anything to consume or control me unless it is God Himself.
5. "Knowledge puffs up, love builds up." (chapter 8) - this is so true. How much time do I spend puffing (myself and others) up, rather than building them up? Haha. Do I spend time puffing up my ego rather than building up someone else's self worth?
6. "Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak." (chapter 8) - I know that I have the right to do what I want, but that comes at a cost unless I consider others too. There are some things I would love to do and enjoy and don't have a problem doing, but it wouldn't be helpful for another person. Therefore I must always decide to NOT do that thing, and to put the other person first.

And these are but small snippets of what I have been learning. I love Corinthians. I love the way Paul writes. And these two letters are just filled with meaty stuff; things I need to grapple with; things that, no matter how much I re read them, I still learn from.

I'm back...

Just over 24 hours since I returned from Kolkata, India.

As soon as I stepped off the plane, memories were fading.
I slip into normality so easily here.

I don't want to forget what I've learnt out there. Or what I've been challenged on. God's heart for the whole person. Every ministry we were involved in out there was always about, "Jesus loves you - have some medicine," or "Jesus loves you - let me give you some food and an education."

I LOVE THAT.

I love that for them, the idea that Jesus loves everyone is not just restricted to a box labelled 'spiritual stuff'. Spiritual, physical, emotional - they're all connected. In Matthew 5 before Jesus began teaching the crowds from God's word, He saw they were hungry, had compassion on them and fed them.

I know that in England, the poverty is different. We don't have the same amount of children living on the streets, or the kind of begging we saw in India. But we do have poverty. We have families who can't afford to feed their children properly. We have adults who are living on the streets. We have girls of all ages forced into the sex trade. We have young and old abused by those they love.

Mother Teresa said that the greatest poverty is to be unwanted, uncared for and unloved. We definitely suffer from that here in England. In India, families look after the elderly. They are seen as important, wise and valued members. Here in England, we ship off the grandparents to homes, leaving them to cope with loneliness by themselves.

We visited Mother House, where Mother Teresa's ministry all started. Her tomb is there also. What an incredible woman she was. I don't think I even realised it until going there. She tells a story of seeing a homeless man in the street and going over to shake his hand. As he takes her hand, he says, "I've forgotten how amazing it is to feel the warmth of another's hand."