Birthday treats.

It's my birthday today. Yes. I cannot believe I am 24 today.

I was thinking last night about how we always say, "Happy Birthday". What does that mean? Isn't it a bit of an old, stale phrase that we don't really mean? Do we mean we are celebrating the fact that someone has been born? Because it sure doesn't sound like we're celebrating when we say it. To be honest, it sounds like we're pretty bored.

Lost generation?

Religulous and Indiana Jones.

Currently watching the Bill Maher documentary/film 'Religulous'. And it's making me mad.

I'm annoyed that Bill has no time for the people he interviews. He wants the Christians and other people of faith to listen to him, but he won't allow them to speak. He mocks their answers. And the film is badly edited to make everyone apart from him look completely stupid.

What a dick.

I normally love films like this, I love seeing people question and tear apart things that I follow avidly. I don't find it detrimental to my faith. I enjoy questions. However, this is making me feel uncomfortable.

The other thing I'm getting mad about is how many absolute idiots they managed to interview for this movie. People who claim that Jesus wore fine clothes, people who judge other groups without even meeting them, people whose livelihoods involve making money out of icons and Christian 'items'. Seeing Bill Maher wander through this shop, which had literally hundreds of different crosses in it, made me even more mad.

It made me think of Indiana Jones, how he has to choose from the cup which Jesus drank from at the last supper...and it was the old, plain cup. Not a fancy one. Why do we make so much money and screw people over for items that mean nothing? How can we justify buying things that are just used to make us look good?

I know this is completely generalising, but I'm working it out as I speak.

Daylight and stars:

I was paid the biggest compliment today. My friend asked if I could move to her city because I "make her feel herself" ...

Isn't that wonderful? To have friends who bring out the best in you? People that you never have to 'work' at being around, you are completely comfortable to just be yourself.

I love this friend. She is incredible! I don't think she even knows that; I have told her, but she wouldn't believe it. I have learnt so much from her. Her strength and courage is inspiring. And her relationship with her husband is probably the relationship I have learnt the most from. They are such a great couple. And seeing her today was equally good. Just talking. And walking. And eating. And laughing. And singing.

Like daylight and stars. Seeing something incredible in a place where you wouldn't normally spot it. That's what she does - she sees the best things.

And she's like a gem. There are those people who obviously everyone thinks highly of and they know so many people and are so gifted ... blah blah blah ............ This woman is one of the people who you only realise how hugely much they have to offer when you get close enough to see it. I love that.

DON'T GIVE UP!

That's what I feel like screaming. "DON'T GIVE UP!" I don't wanna give up on this. I don't want to try and work ahead if this doesn't work out. I want to keep pursuing the dream.

If God says "GO", do you go until He says stop?
If God says "WAIT", do you wait until He says now?

And how long do you keep going for?

Can't sleep.

So it's past 4am and I am awake in bed. Hmmmph. My eyes are so tired and my head aches with sleepiness, but my mind is whirring. So I'm listening to a little Jem Cooke.

"You don't know, you don't see, how lovely you are. But everyone around you can so very easily. When you're tired but you can't sleep. And you're broken on your knees. When your heart feels like it needs reminding how to breathe, just call on me and take your time."

Wow, I didn't think how apt those words were until writing them out just then! Am I broken on my knees? I don't think so. But I'm definitely tired and can't sleep. Does my heart feel like it needs reminding how to breathe? Probably. Sometimes I get busy. And caught up in the moment. I feel so content and happy with Jesus. But maybe I don't give myself room to breathe? Sometimes my heart yearns for things. Like an ache. It doesn't rest until I do something about it. And it feels like there are some things that have been aching for a while.

Still awaiting further instructions. Maybe that's part of the problem.

I wanna be Mary.

I used to hate this story in the Bible. I got annoyed that Jesus didn't appreciate the hard work that Martha did for Him. Mary flipping did NOTHING! Imagine working really hard and then being told that you shouldn't have bothered? I would be pissed right off!

But the more I think about Mary sitting at Jesus' feet, the more I get it.

What's the point of all the rushing around and working hard if I'm not taking time out? I don't mean making sure I don't get burnt out. I mean, what's the point of it all if I'm not sitting at Jesus' feet?

I love that image - sitting at someone's feet. Totally a sign of respect. Being eager to listen to what they have to say. But even more intimately, it's just about being in their presence. You know those people who you're so comfortable with that you can just sit in silence? I wonder how comfortable we are with Jesus? Are we comfortable with that silence of sitting and waiting?

I am learning to be more of a Mary than a Martha.