Soul Searching?

You know you have those moments, or even periods of time...where you discover something about yourself? And its normally painful. Or awkward. I find them so interesting because whenever we learn about our character, it normally motivates us to change. But there are points where I get almost disgusted with myself. Like, I cannot believe that I behave in that way. Or that I say those things. You know? And it's kind of shocking. But I guess being shocked into change isn't such a bad thing.

While I was away this past month, I found out some things about myself that I didn't like. I didn't like God highlighting those things. And I didn't like being reminded. I would rather have just swept them under the carpet. Not 'huge' things. But small things are like weeds - they can take over if left untouched.

I found out I'm a pretty selfish person. [Aren't we all?] But I'm selfish with conversation too. I am not very good at listening. And the sad thing is, I used to be. I know I did. But I seem to have lost the art of listening. Like someone who doesn't ride their bike in a long time, they still know how to do it but if they don't put effort in then they will never be as good as they were.

It's so easy to hear what someone is saying. But hearing is not the same as listening. When we listen to someone, we honour their stories - we say that what they have experienced is worth something, that their life is worth something. So when I don't listen to someone and I just 'hear', I am saying that what is important to them is not as important to me. Or even worse...not as important AS me.

And who am I to say that?

So my next challenge (because life seems to never end!) is to learn the importance of listening again. I think I have forgotten what it is like to listen to God too.