Generosity

I was back home in Devon this past weekend. And I was really blown away by the generosity of some of my friends. There were a couple of times when I didn't have any money with me, or didn't have enough...and my friends every time offered to pay. They even offered to give me money, to help with stuff I was talking about.

It made me laugh cos I will automatically take something I am given. Yes, I may be shocked by someone's generosity...but I will not refuse something that I am given.

We are often challenged by how willing we are to give.
But how willing are we to receive?

I reckon we're pretty rubbish at it. And its always pride that's at the centre. Even if we can't see it, a reluctance to accept something from another person comes from our own pride.

In response to Helen

Helen wrote this recently:

"I have noticed in the last few weeks that the class holds back. There seems to be this consesus of fear that we can't get to personal, we cant get to excited or passionate by what we are saying, that we are too afraid to offend. (i say we but i dont really count myself, i have no shame)

We have some peace makers in our year, who as soon as things get heated ask us all to calm down, and you know sometimes i think this can be bad, it can lead to feelings of resentment of unresolved annoyance and the people who were discussing. I feel that our lecture room should be a safe place to talk things over, and if need be get annoyed with each other and not always take it personally. But maybe thats because when we are in discussions i usually detach myself from my arguments. hmmm."

This is so interesting. Because I LOVE discussing. Sometimes I am afraid of saying what I really feel, normally because of the impression afterwards that I am 'wrong'. However, I am not afraid to play devil's advocate. I don't mind stirring things up, merely because I want to know WHY somebody believes something. In the same way, I want to be challenged about why I believe what I do. Its so hard to have someone say something, and then for you to be willing and open enough to say, "well, I hadn't thought about that." That takes guts. It takes humility.

I wanna see more of that. People less willing to have the last word and more willing to listen!!

Hearing yourself

I'm not very good at titles for these darn blogs. Other people, like my friend Helen, come up with intelligent and witty titles...that suggest what the content could be, but then you read it and find out it's about something else! So clever...

Anywho (as Becky would say), I was just wondering who likes hearing themselves? Is there really anyone in the world who LIKES watching themselves on camera or hearing themselves sing? Is there anyone who, caught off guard, actually likes hearing their thoughts outloud?! Haha...

How do you get over that?

Let's Get Married

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle (at the top go to Controls » Shuffle » By Songs)
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK?" YOU SAY?
Sergant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Oldman

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Take the "A" Train

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Don't Leave Nobody But the Baby

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Simply Beautiful

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Love Song for No One

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Come, Like You Promise

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Intro

WHAT IS 2+2?
Truth

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
You Alone

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
You Gotta Be

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
The Tracks of My Tears

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Up Against the Buachalawns

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Petrol

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Let Me Be

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
The End of the Race (haha)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Stop This Train

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Jealous Kind

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
You Are the Sun

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
High Speed

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Radio

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
All You've Done For Me

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Body Movin'

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Rescue

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Pastime Paradise

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Messiah

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Song For Junior

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
The Story of Someone's Shoe

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Circles

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
A Place in the Sun

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Let's Get Married (haha)

What does it mean to be saved?

"...is it more than just a prayer to pray, more than just a way to heaven?"

Thanks to Israel Houghton for those words. Tonight in our youth leaders meeting we were talking about learning to present the 'Gospel' and how to communicate our testimonies evangelistically. And funnily enough part of me doesn't sit comfortably with that. I would just get up and say what everyone else wants to hear, which isn't showing much integrity.

And I try and articulate this, but I am waiting for someone to say, "Well, you're obviously not a Christian then!" It's not like I don't have a story of my faith journey, and it's not like I can't talk to people about Jesus. But I don't like presenting something which sounds so impersonal.

My experience of meeting Christ was through lots of people sharing their stories with me, and then one day He decided to come in and BAM! It was all HIS work. He met with me. And it makes me wonder...should we be spending so much time telling people the right formula to have a relationship with God, or providing opportunities for them to meet with Him?

Love

Would you be brave enough to tell someone you love them?

Triumphal Entry

Today in Cell we were looking at Jesus' triumphal entry into Jerusalem.

It made me think...
How ready are we to invite Jesus into the stuff that we do?
How excited are we for Him to enter into our daily stuff?

Being sick

Yesterday was the first time in LITERALLY years that I was sick...a lot. And it was horrible. And it made me want to be with someone. One of the worst feelings is being sick, having your stomach heaving and feeling shakey and teary...and there not being anyone around.

When I was little, my dad somehow always heard me in the toilet and would come and hold my hair while I was sick. Yesterday, my friend Beth was there for the first little while. But there wasn't anyone else there afterwards. How sad for there to be some people who don't have anyone - no one to hold their hair while they're being sick or rub their back afterwards.

Then I had the WORST night sleep afterwards. I felt really tired and worn out after being sick. So I went to bed at about 8.30pm. But kept getting up to go to the toilet. Nearly fell to sleep then woke up every hour or two. At midnight, feeling very dehydrated, I drank some water which then came straight back out again. Very unsettling. But this morning I have managed to drink water and not be sick! Yay.

So now I'm having to decide about when to start eating again. Not too early cos I'll just feed the blinking sickness inside of me. But I'm feeling well tired and weak. So need food soon!

Any thoughts?

Beauty

That is what beauty is for.

All this beauty exists so you and I can see His glory, His artwork.

It's like an invitation to worship Him, to know Him.

Family

Most of my revelations seem to happen on the toilet recently.
Maybe it is quiet in there and I think more deeply...??

I was really emotional earlier. I think I was thinking about death, and life. And I thought a lot about my family. We are really close but we all show affection in different ways. I just had this overwhelming desire to tell them all they are incredible. And that I want to see them living life to the FULL. And I had this revelation of when Jesus says He has come that we may life, and life in all its fullness - that doesn't mean we can do what we want. It doesn't mean we become hedonistic pleasure seekers...

I wonder if to really live life to the full, it means to bring about change and to give to others...to see amazing things happen to those around you. I wonder if a full life is a life given to the service of others?

In love with a vampire.

I had a dream last night that I was in love with a vampire (and no, before anyone asks, I have NOT watched Twlight in a long time!). Yet I knew I was in danger.

There seemed to be an epidemic of vampire families moving into the town. And they wanted to kill us all.

A particularly odd moment was hearing them say that if a human blinks really fast, it means that they are aware of the vampires. So weird. Like a code or something.

Don't really know why I dreamt all this, or what it 'means'. It amused me, so thought I'd share it.