Thursday, March 11, 2010

I'm trying to be less critical. And it's hard. I have to actually voice that to people, so that they know I am trying. I used to see the best in people and now I feel like I see the worst or what could be "changed". Pffft. I need to be thankful for what is right here, before getting on my high horse to change it.

When I am grown-up I shall understand this all.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Lighter loads

Things already feel better. Annie summed it up the other day - I think about things too much and then they become bigger than they really are. They become heavier than they really are.

I'm not very good at taking responsibility for my actions. Sometimes I overthink things to the point where I want to (or just do) cry. They become thoughts that wear me thin and dry me out. But recently I have been so refreshed by friends; people who speak so honestly to me and who really, really push me forward to be more like Christ. I am so thankful for them. I think I'd forgotten how thankful I am for them.

So today's been a productive day. And that always makes me happy and makes me work harder.

I am glad to be alive.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Home

Today I went up to Bristol to spend the day with my dad and brothers. I love days like this. I feel, how can I put it?...at 'home' when I'm with them. It has got me thinking about home, and what makes it. Is home only "where the heart is"? I seem to have my heart strung up in different places.

O how easy it is to give your heart away.

I very easily visit somewhere, and only need to spend time with a few small children and I've suddenly developed an attachment. The thing is, I don't want to end up with something that is broken and used. It is far greater to give your heart away when it is whole and complete, isn't it?

I like that the Bible talks about the heart so much;
- It is the wellspring of life
- Out of its overflowings, my mouth speaks
- It is precious and vulnerable, yet powerful and strong

How badly do I want to protect my heart - yet how much greater is the desire to pour my heart out into those around me; giving it freely and without restrain; offered to the best and the least; leaving behind any fear of damage or misuse. That is the risk I take when I follow Christ.