I hate money.

Uuuurgh. I really do. The more I come across it's use and abuse in everyday life, I fall less and less in love with it. And that is honesty - we do often love money. Ironically it is that 'love of money' which Jesus so detested.

I hate how money determines so many decisions for us, it influences opinions, it controls and manipulates us. Even the best people can be lured in by the false promises of money. It is tantalisingly good to look at, and even better to hold. Money is like a drug and I hate that so many people are affected by it.

Money often consumes my thoughts. I worry at the end of the month that I don't have enough of it. I panic when I feel like I have too much. I try to spend wisely and yet give it away too easily. And yet we don't talk about our money issues with anyone. We are affronted when someone asks us how much we earn, or what we spend it on. I get sick of the hold money has on me and how destructive it is in lives.

Suzy Blue

"Suzy Blue, you stole his heart from me.
Claiming what was not yours to keep.
O didn't you see the label, the markings on his chest?
Go and read the memo 'cos you're only second best.
I need you to quit the race."

Time Travelling.

We talk about knowing things off by heart - a song, a poem, a route. But can we know a person off by heart?

I'd like to think there are people who know me well. People who can see when something isn't right, those who can read me like a book. It's a vulnerable thing but well worth it. Because when we let people see the real us, there is a part of us worrying that what they have seen will send them running.

I am amazed that Jesus knows me COMPLETELY off by heart and yet still thinks highly of me. It's a cliche, we all say it. But isn't that amazing? To see every awful bone in your body and still think the world of you. Wow.

The Prophetic

I went to an evening at Rev's Church yesterday. An American guy called Dale Gentry was speaking on prophecy. I liked what he said:

First you HEAR it.
Then you SEE it.
You need to SPEAK it out.
Then DO it (move your feet).

He shared a story about a man he recently met with. When this man was just a little boy, a woman prophecied over him that he would play in the NBA (professional basketball). As he grew up, he believed it and so would say to people, "I'm gunna play basketball." Not only did he SEE this dream, he also went and did something about it. He went to the gym every day and trained hard. Now he plays for a professional team. You can watch him on the TV a couple of times a week out in the US!

Dale also talked about the importance of having people around who will speak as well. Those who will believe in you. Those who will see these dreams and push you on. He told us to let go of those people who don't do that in us.

One of my friends I was there with thinks her dreams are too big. I told her that maybe she's tired of having no one around her to believe in her.

We all need people to believe in us.
No dream is too big.

A new love.

So I found out tonight that I actually quite like playing the drums. I love the feeling of your different limbs knowing what they're each supposed to be doing. It's quite freeing really.

Standards

I got my standards way off. Sheesh.

It's funny how things that I think are fine are not really acceptable for others. I was gently told off last night, for leaving an expensive guitar downstairs where "it could be nicked." Wow. I just don't think like that.

I'm aware of the 'big' things. But stuff like that I don't really think through. Like being used to driving and giving people lifts everywhere and actually enjoying giving lifts...I then expect others to be the same and wonder why some people get frustrated of being asked for lifts everywhere.

Maybe it's about thinking before I do something. I'm a bit sporadic. I need to be more thoughtful!