Home time.

So, it has been yet another long time since I have written on here. I am currently residing back in North Devon, spending time with friends and family.

Time in Devon is not normally 'relaxing'. Those of you that know me, know that I get kinda stressed because I have many people to see and catch up with. I feel a lot of tension, balancing time with family and time with friends that I really need to see. I don't want to be a people pleaser. But sometimes I need to be. And then the people I love the most and want to see get hurt because they don't see me as much as they'd like to.

Sometimes, I'm a bit of a rag doll.
Pulled in every direction.

Today, I took my little brothers and sisters on the bus into Barnstaple. Finn was sad because it was originally just going to be me and him. Man, we never hang out just us two together. And he was excited. But we couldn't really stop the girls coming, and then Jacob changed his mind.

I wondered how often I do this to people - disappoint them? Not like I'm feeling sorry for myself, cos I'm not! Haha. But I wonder how much time I give to those individuals that need to spend time BY THEMSELVES? I wonder if God is like that. Just like Finn, He is super looking foward to hanging out with me but then I go and invite other people along for the ride. You know how its totally cool to hang out with God with other people. But I wonder if sometimes He is jealous for our time, and JUST US?

I am learning a lot about myself. I am learning that I am quick to commit to something or to say 'yes' and actually don't really think a lot about the consequences. I need my "yes" to be "yes" and maybe that means learning to be better at saying "no". I am so quick at wanting everyone to get involved in something or wanting everyone to see something, that the quality of the thing becomes worn. You know that phrase, "Quality not quantity" - so true. I need my life to be of quality rather than quantity.