Thoughts...

I don't like that people build up an image of you and then get shocked when you tell them something about yourself.

I am a jealous person. I think over things too much and care what people think too highly. I read into things that aren't there, and I too easily give my heart away. And because of this I get crushed; I start to believe that nothing I hope for will come true and everything I try to do will fail.

And it's a vicious circle. I so desperately want God to take my dreams and, like magic, to sort the problems and do the things I want. But I know that isn't going to happen. When they don't "come true" I get despondant and tired of trying; my heart physically aches and I get weary.

Have you ever experienced that? A literal aching of the heart? It feels like something is heavy inside of you.

I feel a little lost.

Revelation

The other night I got angry at God. I hate writing this or talking about it, cos it sounds so lame and cheesy and cliche. But it totally happened. I was just thinking about life, getting mad on behalf of people, just seeing so much crap around me. And then going on to think that there is just so much more crap in other places and other families. What is going on in the world?!

Anyway, I eventually said to God, "WHY WON'T YOU DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT?" As soon as the sentence left my lips, I heard, "I'll use you."

Oh Crap.

We all want to see something change, but we're not so comfortable about lending a hand.

It got me thinking and wondering whether we would see drastic difference in the world if all the 'Christians' prayed and acted. That is all it takes; prayer and action.

And then I had long conversations with Beth yesterday about giving all we have to the poor, whether certain people are 'called' to that, what it means in our lives, etc. Sheesh. So much to consider.

"Despite all this crap going on, I just want you to know God, nothing changes between you and me"

Isn't that incredible? And not in a teary-eyed, or awe and wonder type way. But in a scary way. I wonder if we would ever say that if we were in a similar situation? I've seen this quote a lot recently, friends heard it at a Christian event. I think a guy with cancer said it. I love the power behind what he said, that nothing changes. And I love how it totally reflects God. Almost like he's said it before. To me. Or to you. Telling us that no matter how much crap goes on, nothing changes between us.

Christ's Love

"...Christ's love compels us." (2 Cor 5)


It moves us.
Forcing us forward.
Like a magnet,
Propelling us into the lives of others.
It is the motive behind every action
And the thought behind every word.

No, sorry...

It should be the motive behind every action
And the thought behind every word.
It needs to be the line we compare to;
The hope we cling from;
The reason we are still breathing.

Friendship sucks...

Nah, just kidding. Love it.

The Companionship was between people who were doing something together - hunting, studying, painting, or what you will. The Friends will still be doing something together, but something more inward, less widely shared, and less easily defined; still hunters, but of some immaterially quarry; still collaborating, but in some work the world does not, or not yet, take account of; still travelling companions, but on a different kind of journey. Hence we picture lovers face to face, but Friends side by side; their eyes look ahead.
— C.S. Lewis