Hmmmph

Why do people, when they find out what buttons they can press to annoy you, keep pressing them? It frustrates me. And it's supposed to be all good fun. But I don't like it. It just makes me crawl back into my shell and hide.

Soul Searching?

You know you have those moments, or even periods of time...where you discover something about yourself? And its normally painful. Or awkward. I find them so interesting because whenever we learn about our character, it normally motivates us to change. But there are points where I get almost disgusted with myself. Like, I cannot believe that I behave in that way. Or that I say those things. You know? And it's kind of shocking. But I guess being shocked into change isn't such a bad thing.

While I was away this past month, I found out some things about myself that I didn't like. I didn't like God highlighting those things. And I didn't like being reminded. I would rather have just swept them under the carpet. Not 'huge' things. But small things are like weeds - they can take over if left untouched.

I found out I'm a pretty selfish person. [Aren't we all?] But I'm selfish with conversation too. I am not very good at listening. And the sad thing is, I used to be. I know I did. But I seem to have lost the art of listening. Like someone who doesn't ride their bike in a long time, they still know how to do it but if they don't put effort in then they will never be as good as they were.

It's so easy to hear what someone is saying. But hearing is not the same as listening. When we listen to someone, we honour their stories - we say that what they have experienced is worth something, that their life is worth something. So when I don't listen to someone and I just 'hear', I am saying that what is important to them is not as important to me. Or even worse...not as important AS me.

And who am I to say that?

So my next challenge (because life seems to never end!) is to learn the importance of listening again. I think I have forgotten what it is like to listen to God too.

Sojourner

So I am off travelling soon. I have another blog which I will be updating via my email account. Please check it. Follow it so that you will get updates. I will try and write about my experiences as much as possible. I would love it if you would travel with me on this journey!

www.asojournersstory.blogspot.com

Pffft

You know when you put your foot in it? And your intentions are totally honourable, but some people don't like what you're doing? They think you make something into a big deal, when it was never one to begin with? But maybe you see the bigger picture.

Well anyway, I'm going to stop from now on. I need to try and not get involved. Even if it means other people get hurt. I'm tired of wanting the best for people and it never works out. So I'm stepping down, backing out, staying quiet...ha...

I hate money.

Uuuurgh. I really do. The more I come across it's use and abuse in everyday life, I fall less and less in love with it. And that is honesty - we do often love money. Ironically it is that 'love of money' which Jesus so detested.

I hate how money determines so many decisions for us, it influences opinions, it controls and manipulates us. Even the best people can be lured in by the false promises of money. It is tantalisingly good to look at, and even better to hold. Money is like a drug and I hate that so many people are affected by it.

Money often consumes my thoughts. I worry at the end of the month that I don't have enough of it. I panic when I feel like I have too much. I try to spend wisely and yet give it away too easily. And yet we don't talk about our money issues with anyone. We are affronted when someone asks us how much we earn, or what we spend it on. I get sick of the hold money has on me and how destructive it is in lives.

Suzy Blue

"Suzy Blue, you stole his heart from me.
Claiming what was not yours to keep.
O didn't you see the label, the markings on his chest?
Go and read the memo 'cos you're only second best.
I need you to quit the race."

Time Travelling.

We talk about knowing things off by heart - a song, a poem, a route. But can we know a person off by heart?

I'd like to think there are people who know me well. People who can see when something isn't right, those who can read me like a book. It's a vulnerable thing but well worth it. Because when we let people see the real us, there is a part of us worrying that what they have seen will send them running.

I am amazed that Jesus knows me COMPLETELY off by heart and yet still thinks highly of me. It's a cliche, we all say it. But isn't that amazing? To see every awful bone in your body and still think the world of you. Wow.